I could say a lot of things in front of my grandmother but I choose not to.

I’m not thinking about scanning jobs now, I’m just thinking about pork

Jordan: “I don’t like beaches”

Approved team: “Why?”

Jordan: “I don’t like the feeling of sand between my toes”

Not my fault I tan like a god. They call me ‘Bronze Gladiator’ when I go abroad.

The only wingman I need is my swiping thumb.

Matt: Were you drinking last night?
Jordan: Yeah, drinking away my problems.
Joe: What problems?
Jordan: I dunno, I’m trying to make more problems.

Jordan: “Yeah I got a new bae but I can’t remember what she looks like”

Joe: “Didn’t you show me a picture of her earlier?”

Jordan: “Yeah but that’s a picture, face-to-face is different”

They call me ‘Black Beauty’ when I go abroad.

Matt: “Jordan, what are you giving up for lent?”

Jordan: “Trying.”

Chicken on the keypad, chicken on the IPOP