I wouldn’t trust a pigeon with a bomb never mind a T-rex with a gun.

I wouldn’t trust a T-rex with a gun.

*In reference to marketing an app* Put business cards in peoples packages.

He’s got a face like a fire extinguisher.

*Weird books that actually exist*
Jordan: Teach your wife to be a window?
Everbody: It says widow!

Everybody in the office gets a bit giddy over tit.

*J.J. Abrams*
Billie: It stands for Jeffery Jacob.
Jordan: You couldn’t make that name up!

Ooo it doesn’t look like a dolphin, I thought dolphins were blue!

Joe: I stay away from White Russians, I stay away from Black Russians too.
Jordan: It’s a bit racist that.

Mark: I’m always dead nice.
Jordan: I’m always dead.